Christmas 1987
Dear Family and Friends:
Thank you for your prayers and loving support in this past year. I cannot tell you how much it has meant to us and how your prayers have held us up.
In many ways this has been a year of blessing for us – a year of healing and a year of hope. A drink of water in the parching drought of the desert. The blessings have been those of everyday; sunlight and birds, gray skies and snow, falling leaves and new birth.
This was the first summer in three years that we could enjoy with our children. Thank God, Heidi was well enough. We swam and walked and lounged like lizards in the warm sun. We camped as a family in beautiful Lancaster Co. and found some degree of healing among the Amish, a healing that we do not quite understand; a kind of acceptance perhaps.
How nice it has been to be a family again, no longer fragmented from one another in the zombie's twilight zone of hospital wards and medical crises. And should life turn again in its inexplicable cycles, we have had at least, this time of respite and renewal.
At the last writing, we were anticipating the mid February birth of a nice healthy baby, never really thinking that there would be any serious problem. On January 15, one month early, Galen Christopher Kashtock was born by Cesarean section weighing 5 lb. 14 oz. I stand in awe when I look at this healthy bundle of pure mischief and think of how closely we brushed tragedy.
Apparently, the cord was on top of the baby's head where he pressed. The placenta previa detected during an early sonogram had been forgotten. My water broke, a month early. This posed a risk of infection, so the doc decided to induce labor. Thankfully, this had to be done at the hospital, and thankfully they insisted on strapping me with that bulky fetal monitor that made each contraction feel like someone’s fist was being shoved through my back.
I had not wanted either the hospital in the early stages of labor, or the fetal monitor. Thank God He sometimes gives us the things we do not think we want. Because of the monitor, we found out in the first few contractions that Galen could not tolerate a normal labor. The contractions nearly caused his heart to stop.
I still shudder when I think of the consequences if labor had started at home. Again, thank you for your prayers.
After visiting him in the Neonatal ICU, a fellow grad student and hospital Chaplin said, "This may sound strange, but I believe that God will use this child as a healing for your family."
Little did she know as we hadn't named him yet, that basically the name we were considering was Galen. We did not know it at the time but Galen of the second century is considered the father of medicine and so his name came to mean any doctor, or "one who heals." And in his own delightful babyish way he has.
He's given Heidi someone to love and fuss over and Justin someone to make laugh and protect. He has shifted our focus from Heidi's illness to the joy of new life.
Heidi continues to regain more of her personality and some of her abilities although the confusion remains. We decided to retain Justin in first grade although he was reading with comprehension on nearly the fourth grade level. He is no longer the smallest and youngest child in his class and is much happier in school and more relaxed. The horrible night terrors concerning school have abated.
When we married, we saw ourselves as having 2 or 3 normal children who would grow up, go to college, get married and have children of their own. We never anticipated any major problems. Life isn't always what we expect, is it?
Yet God in His mercy can touch us through life's uncertainties. He reaches down into the ashes of our despair and loves us to Himself.
On the nights that I screamed my rage and hate at Him, He held me until my fury turned to sobs.
When my wings were too burnt by the fires of hell to fly, He bound them and bid me rest in His hands.
And now when I look at Heidi, I see two things: lost potential and potential gained. Heidi has long spoken of becoming a doctor someday. There was a time when she possessed the compassion and intelligence and love for science to have become a good doctor.
The compassion is still there.
And I think how we parents hurt for our children and focus on what has been lost. But perhaps God has a place in this world for Heidi, far different than what we had imagined.
As we watch her faith and closeness to God continue to grow we have to wonder if she will bring a different kind of healing to this world. There is something to be learned from the light of God that shines out from our childrens' eyes.
As I pondered all of this I came across a passage from two psychologists concerning six-year-olds that really grabbed my attention. "Belief in God in most is not yet wavering... prayers are still important, though the child may still expect them to be answered."
And I wonder, perhaps we adults too often let the cares of the world quench the childlike light of faith from our eyes.
Perhaps we need again to remember that Jesus said: "Unless you become as a child, you will be unable to see the kingdom of heaven."
And He came as a child:
"For unto us is born this day ...
To restore us:
"He leads me by the still waters, He restores my soul."
And give us peace:
"And the angel of the Lord came upon them and the glory of the Lord shone round about them and they were terrified.
"But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be for all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign to you; You will find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angels a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest! And on earth, peace, good will toward men.'"
Merry Christmas! And may your blessings for the year be as many as the hosts of heaven.
With love and prayers,
Patty, Michael, Heidi, Justin and Galen