Dale could not have known this, but the day he sent his testimony, I probably felt ;)
Seagull by Dale Cordell modified with filters as discouraged as I have ever been. The feelings of uselessness nearly overwhelmed me that night. The one ability I have worked to hone is leading worship, yet in my current position, I function as more of a song leader than a worship leader. By the end of the month, I believe the position will be folded due to some changes at the church. I am getting older and for the most part churches seem to want younger. Staying on top of voice and guitar are time intensive and I have much else to do. If I am not going to use them for an eternal purpose, it seems I should just quit altogether. I am willing to walk away from it if that is what the Lord wants and for some time now, have been trying to discern what He desires from me.
Then I see what other people do for the Lord, and here I am. I do all these little things to help out, but they don't seem like much to me, only time-wise I can't fit anything more.
Perhaps the weight of the years has just built up.
Then again, maybe I feel torn because I have been working steadily on the book about Heidi. Remembering the cancerward and the surgeries for now does not send me into despair. Remembering Heidi from an earlier time when she was the Heidi she was created to be, hurts.
And so that night, I sat at my computer lower than low, to answer email. Up popped Dales' testimony. As I read, I began to cry, and hope rose up, once again.
I posted Dale's letter in the readers' stories section, but was concerned it might get lost there, so I also placed it here. While this was not an actual conversation I had with the Lord, I believe it was His answer to my questions that day. He did not answer specific questions at the time although He likely will later. Instead, He answered the underlying questions that fuel many of the other questions.
The letter from Dale Cordell:
Since you ARE a believer, I thought I'd share something with you.
Seagull by Dale CordellNow, you know that we usually don't remember dreams for long... even the best or the worst. But about a month ago, I had an experience that could be a dream OR a near death experience. Or, of course, it could have been God speaking to me. In any case, the experience was real. The memory of it shall never ... NEVER... leave me.
OK... you may take this any way you choose, but I think that what little I know of you, you will be as excited as I am.
I know I was in bed sleeping. Suddenly, no dreams. I felt myself take my last breath, let it out. Then, my soul (?) started to rise up. I was in a complete surrounding of pure black.
Above me... or in front of me, was a light. This light was BRIGHT, but it did not hurt to see it. As a matter of fact, the light and the dark were both so pure that there was no fear.
As soon as I'd taken my last breath, all of my fears, my cares, my worries... all of my earthly feelings were gone. I felt (not sure how to word it, completely, but I'll try.) nothing containing Earthly feelings. What I felt was an overwhelming JOY. An overwhelming HAPPINESS.
The closer to the light I got, the feelings of ecstasy were so strong that I cannot describe how happy and filled with joy, I was. The light... being so bright and all... brought more comfort, the closer I got to it.
Then, I felt myself take in a deep breath and I awoke, remembering everything as clearly as humanly possible. The feelings of joy and happiness were still within me. Those feelings have slowly dissipated, but the "experience,” I believe, shall remain with me, until that time that I do take my final breath.
If there were any doubts about God or Heaven, before this experience, there are absolutely NONE now. When we die, yes, we do raise up. When we die, yes, our soul and consciousness leave our body and moves toward the light.
If you'd like to post my testimony on your blog, you have my permission to do so, using my name, etc. I'm very pleased to have had this experience, even if it turns out that perhaps my body DID try to die. I've no idea if I may have sleep apnea or another condition that may have caused this event.
But, I'm in no fear of it happening again, even if it is my time to leave. With all that's going on in this world, I have prayed to God, numerous times, asking Him to take me Home. I am tired. My body is tired and nearly worn out... as far as muscular and spinal conditions go. When God decides it is my time, I actually long for it, even more so now than before.
I have always worried about leaving my loved ones behind. My wife, my pets, my friends. I worry for their care and safety, more than for just the loss of my humble and frail body.
But now, those worries are way in the background, even though I wish to continue living and loving my friends, most of the time. When depression hits me, big-time, then I get to a point of "I just don't care.” which I know is very selfish of me.
Pat, you can publish this any way you like. I just want to share my experience and give others more hope... as I received. If you wish to post the whole letter, that's fine. Feel free to share it any way you can. If my testimony helps even ONE person, then both of us have attained our goal.
Take care and God Bless you!
Dale Cordell