Christmas 2009 – Bound Together by Floods of Snow

A warm glow of light hovered about two-thirds of the way up the walls of the sixth floor of Sibley Memorial Hospital. Carpet and acoustic ceiling hushed the ordinary sounds of waiting. A volunteer sat at the desk. He never called out a name. If he needed to talk to one of us, he shooshed over on quiet feet, his voice an undertone of ocean surf.

Sometimes things evolve differently than planned. This Christmas season promised rich celebration. Galen and Lacey were to spend Christmas with her family so they could visit extended family before Lacey’s parents had to move to Tennessee. So the two of them arranged flights to NYC in order spend the following week with our family in NJ. A whole week, through the New Year’s. Justin and Hillary were even going to be able to make it up for part of the time. This would probably be the last year Galen and Lacey could spend so long with each set of families. Lacey finishes grad school at the end of this school year, and Galen likely by the end of the next calendar year. Real-world jobs with short vacations comprise their next steps.

This time of year, if I think too closely, I sense the void left by Heidi’s loss. The joy found with our families softens the jagged edges inside this space. So I really looked forward to this Christmas week spent in that warm embrace. Then Mike’s pain from his neck became unbearable, and surgery became necessary. Mike would not be able to travel. Galen tried, but could not change the flights. Suddenly we faced the Christmas season largely alone.

Mary and Joseph also faced that first Christmas alone. Only, they did not know it was Christmas. Still, they had to journey far from their families and the support for the birthing those families offered. Had to be tough to be away from your Mom and your village when you are about to give birth to your first child. Nothing was familiar. No one, known. Certainly, the accommodations lacked polish. Not sure what I think of a donkey as a birth attendant.

I imagine Mary was a far better sport about it than I was. Though maybe she too cried some tears of loneliness.

But in the end, Mary and Joseph were not alone, and neither were we. After trying to find a solution, Galen and Lacey decided to come up a couple of days after Mike’s surgery. Those plans took an emergency turn as a blizzard swooped up the coast. Leaving things undone, they raced to outrun the storm as I ran back to the hospital to get Mike. And so we had part of Christmas a bit early instead of a bit late. And a very white Christmas at that. I enjoyed digging out the snow. Galen’s strong arms made short work of it, digging more than twice what I could in half the time.

I am grateful that Justin and Hillary live nearby. Love and warmth radiate from them and they bring us joy. They shared Christmas night with us, and we all curled up in the living room, kept warm from the cold and frozen ground outside.

Come June, all thoughts of snow will be gone as we travel to South Carolina for Galen and Lacey’s wedding. Both sets of parents married on June 19, 1976, so Galen and Lacey picked June 19, 2010 to wed. Justin and our nephew David will head down to cook for the rehearsal dinner. I’m sad the Caines family will have to move after that. SC doesn’t seem so far.

Life just does not care to cooperate with our plans.

Like those shepherds. There they were, minding their own business. Settled in for the night. Maybe having a drink or two. Or three. Suddenly the sky erupts with gigantic beings of light. And the course of those shepherds changed forever amid their wails of terror.

“Fear not!” The sky-quake boomed. The shepherds feared, anyway. “I bring you good news.”

Hmm? Maybe it is safe to look up, they thought. Like children, they peaked between their fingers to see a swarm of angels fill the heavens. “Follow the star. There you will find Him.”

Gripped with something between dread and awe, the shepherds stumbled into Bethlehem, probably annoying the villagers as they went. That was how Mary and Joseph came not to be alone that first Christmas night. Suddenly, a celebration swarmed into the birthing room. And they had a party. Which is as it should be, of course. It seems the Lord loves a good party. Some of us Marthas get that wrong. So we fear.

But if we determine to follow Him, we need not fear. The Lord says:

Don’t be afraid, for I will help you. I am the Lord, your Redeemer. I have chosen you and will not throw you away. I have called you back from the ends of the earth. Do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand. I am holding you by your right hand – I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, “Do not be afraid. I am here to help you.”

And I believe He would continue to say

-- Do not grow weary, although you are weary.

Do not lose heart, for I am with you.

Do not be afraid, for I will hold you up when your knees buckle, when you falter. I will see this through to the end. I just need your cooperation.

You need to determine to trust Me.

Don’t give up. Keep trusting Me. Follow My lead. I am leading you. I will lead you and I will not lead you astray if you look to Me above all others.

Nothing is too big for Me. Be not afraid. –

The shepherds and the Magi followed that bright star.  Like them, we can resolve to follow Him. And He will lead us by still waters - if we look to Him. Even if at times to reach that place of refreshment, He must lead us through the valley dark as the shadow of death, He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. And His name is called Faithful and True.

May you find Him fully in this year to come, and know the blessing of love He has for you.

All our love,

            Patty and Michael

Christmas 2000 - Finding Warmth in a Frozen World

Christmas 2000

Dear Family and Friends,

I wondered whether or not to write this year. It seems that Christmas letters are supposed to be cheery news of how well the year has gone for one’s family -- and in some ways this has been a harder one for us than most, yet of course there have been many, many blessings along the way.

I decided to write anyway because I am asking each of you to pray deeply for us in this year to come, particularly for Heidi. We really need your prayers. Someone who works with Heidi said that she believes the reason we do not see more miracles of healing is that we need to have more people praying for each one. In the spirit of that possibility, I am asking you to please add your earnest prayers to ours.

By God's grace, Heidi is still in remission. There has been no new tumor growth either in her brain or on her spine. But she had been exhibiting neurological symptoms this year such as voiding and falling that had given enough cause for concern to warrant extensive testing. The tests were not promising; this is why I am asking you to really pray for her.

What the MRI has shown is that she has been having what appear to be mini-strokes because of long-term radiation damage. This is why we have seen things become increasingly difficult for her. We have been told that it is basically like Alzheimer’s, except that Heidi is only twenty-three. The doctors have told us that a larger “stroke” could happen and the small ones could continue and that they have nothing to offer her to help. Once again, we find that we have nowhere to turn, except to throw ourselves out onto God’s mercy. With Him, all things are possible, so we ask you to please pray that He would heal Heidi’s brain.

We also ask your prayers for Justin. He is home with us now after a series of things gone wrong in the Army. It has been difficult for him, but he has come home matured in many ways. His endless curiosity about life is still intact and it is good to see the ways that he has grown in compassion and a certain degree of wisdom.

Pray that over time the Lord will give him direction for the next step in his life, and that he will have the grace and desire to follow His leading. Though it all, Justin is truly growing into a young man, and that is a lovely thing to watch unfold.

Thankfully, Galen has been having a normal kid’s year. He had been fully engaged as a player in the Inline Hockey league, but the games are now during church. It was sad for him to give it up, but the Lord is merciful and Galen got to be a starter for the middle school football team (amid the protests of Mom that he was way too much the smallest guy out there!) He has been able to keep up with his studies and participates in the National Junior Honor Society (if at times just a little reluctantly).

As with Justin, I have been amazed at how easily he has been able to begin to transfer playing a stringed instrument to guitar. We ask that you would pray that he would continue to grow in God’s grace.

This year brought a long anticipated change for Heidi. She has had the wonderful opportunity to attend two sheltered workshops three days each week. The first is at Didlake in Alexandria where they make microfiche on contract. The second is at Spinnaweb in Occoquan where they weave all kinds of beautiful cloth on various types of looms. This has been a true joy for her and for us and we are grateful for it.

That is essentially the “news.”

“How do you cope?” some will ask when thinking of the difficulties.

Others will understand the part that prayer plays in keeping us together.

However, it is so much more than that. For you see, God, Himself, saw how hard it was, and in His mercy, He sent His very own Son. Even more than that: He could have protected Jesus from all that pain that life can offer, but did not.

Instead, we are told that Jesus is faithful and kind-hearted towards us because He suffered in all ways just as we do. He knew all of our hurts and fears and weaknesses and so has the greatest compassion for us. I would like to quote from a study Bible, The Answer (page 590)

“`Jesus wept.’ These words describe a man who, when grief came, was able to weep, for He wanted and needed to express the feelings within him... I suggest we put a comma . . . so it now reads: ‘Grieve, not as those who have no hope...”

God weeps? I asked Him and waited as He answered.

-- Yes, God weeps, Child.

For you, for the world

God weeps.

But the day will come when there will be an end to that weeping,

both yours and Mine.

That day will come

and we will rejoice, you and I together.

There will be no more weeping, no more sorrow.

I am the Rock that shelters you

and My heart, your new home.

Rest, now.

Rest in Me.

Know that you can trust Me, My Child, and do not be afraid. I will not let you fall from the path that I have started you on; I love you too much for that. I am the Lord, and I have called you to Myself. I have taken you by the hand and I will keep you, for you cannot keep yourself. I know this and I do not love you less just because you are imperfect.

Remember: I did not come into the world to condemn you. No, I have not. When you are weak like a bruised reed, I will never crush you. Rather, I will nurture you until you can stand again, for I cherish you. When the light inside you grows dim and you feel as though you might faint along the way, I will come into you and shed the brightness of My hope, for I am the Light that has come into the world, and I will lend you My strength.—

And so, at this time of year, we celebrate Him who truly is the Light of the world and the joy in our hearts. Without Him, I long ago told Mike, life would be nothing but a cruel joke.

But with the light of His love shining warmly into our hearts, we have hope, no matter what. He loves us – He actually loves us! Think of that. That in itself is the greatest of miracles, when at times we cannot even stand ourselves: He loves us! He loved us enough to even come as one of us. And if anyone would turn to Him, He has promised to never send him or her away!

 John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him may not perish but may have eternal life. Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. Those who believe in Him are not condemned.”

Our prayer for you is that you will always carry that thought in your heart: that if you want to know Him and to be close to Him, He will never turn you away. That is the very reason He chose to come as a baby, born in a manger, in low estate: just so that He could have you close to Himself if you so desired.

We pray that both you and we will cherish His nearness to us above all things. May this Christmas season be blessed for you!

In His love,

Patty, Michael, Heidi, Justin, and Galen