Christmas 1998 - Questioned by God

Christmas 1998

Dear Family and Friends,

In the midst of children with cancer and ADHD, and all of life’s hard-hits, I have to say that God has been gracious to us and has met us at our every point of need. Life remains messy and often difficult. I personally prefer to have all the loose ends tied up in neat packets. If there is a problem, I want to fix it and move on. If a relationship has gotten damaged, I want to confront it and see it healed right now !

But life isn’t always that cooperative. Problems often refuse to be solved. Relationships sometimes seemed stalled on the wrong side of bitterness. And the loose ends, like slippery eels, refuse to be tied neatly into bows.

For someone like me, this can lead to feelings of frustration and anxiety – not a comfortable way to live. I try to deal with it in the manner I am supposed to, but I often find I flounder.

But the Lord is very gracious, even in this. He never says, “Oh would you please grow up!” Instead, He meets us where we are. One of the things that He has been teaching me these past few years is that I can indeed trust Him and that I can place each person, each situation into His capable hands, and He will take care of it, because, really, I cannot. Situations can be too complex for me to figure out and I cannot see into the hearts of those I care about, to know what they truly need.

He can. I have just had problems believing that He actually would do this for me. So one day I asked, “Oh, Lord, You are the One who is the Meeter of needs. Help me to trust You.”

To this He replied:

— Have I ever let you down? —

Well, the two court cases that we advocated for prey on my mind and my ability to have faith and trust. We prayed and fasted and fought for these people as hard as we could, and the outcome was so awful.

—That was them.

There were things that you did not, do not know or understand. Those outcomes were the “lesser of two evils” so to speak. I know you feel I let them down,

but did I let you down? —

Only that I prayed and it “didn’t work”, Lord.

— It doesn’t need to “work.” It is in My hands.

In the end, I knew your heart. You desired the best for them.

You just did not understand what was needed.

Yes, I know it looks like evil prevailed, and in a way and for a time, it did.

It feels like a slap in the face to you,

...but it does to Me, also.

And do you know? I don’t like it either. I know it feels bad; I know it hurts!

I felt the pain of it: the rejection, the being misunderstood, being gossiped about, unfairly maligned and lied about while I walked the earth as you do.

And I feel it now. It has never stopped. And yes, it does hurt Me. I am frustrated and sad as I watch it continue. In human terms, you could say I get “weary” of it.

But that is not all. I know what the pain of loss feels like when it happens to you because I am in you. I am a part of you now. You are My Child, but it is oh, so much more than this. My people focus on the fact that I gave My life for them, and this is good.

But they often do not realize that I give My life to them, to live within them, to reside in them.

This is harder for you to understand.

You see yourself and do not understand why I would want to make Myself part of you, but I do,

so I did.

Understand the implications of this. It is not that I am a “watchdog,” watching to see every time you slip up and think “ugly” thoughts. Yes I know your thoughts, “good and bad,” this is true.

But My life in you goes so far beyond that.

Every fear you have, I know not just because of your thoughts about it, but because I can feel your feelings.

Everything that happens to you, I feel, too.

When you are angry, I feel it, as when you are sad or despondent. When you are full of joy and the love overflows from your heart, I feel this, too.

But let’s get back to My question to you:

have I ever let you, personally, down?—

...No, Lord. As I think about it, You have not. When I have come to You again and again for Your direct help, You have given it. When I have asked You to grant me favor with someone I needed to speak to and to protect the outcome, to my absolute amazement, You have done so.

Yes, at times, You have allowed some very hard things in my life to happen, but even in those, You have been faithful to me. It is very humbling because I do not understand why You would be, especially when I can see how I am at times. It is simply in Your nature to be faithful, even when we are faithless...

— Then continue to bring each need to Me, both great and small. Needs for your self, your children, My people. Know that I will love them and I will love you always. Cast your cares, all of them, onto Me, straight into My lap!

-Because I love you

and will take care of you.

That is My “job.” —

For all who have put their lives into the hands of the One who desired to become one of us, He, the Lord promises to care for now and for all eternity. He has promised to come to us and to dwell within us, to live our lives with us and always stay by our side. For those who have not yet understood that God became a child born in a stable that first Christmas night simply in order to bring a people back close to Himself, let me encourage you: this desire to have a people to love includes you, too. He does not willingly exclude anyone from His embrace. But like all true lovers, He desires that the object of His love come of their on free will and so He never forces us. He values us too much.

Shepherds were sought out by the angel on that starry night, for Christmas is really the story of the Good Shepherd. This Shepherd was so good and so full of love that not only did He give His whole life for His sheep, but also He even willingly became one of them just so that He could reach them. He is reaching for you. He desires to draw you close to Himself in the tightest, fullest embrace you will ever know. If you find it in your heart to begin the journey of trusting Him, I can promise you that you will never be disappointed. And then you will discover that indeed, He is always, and deeply faithful.

Merry Christmas! And may your year be full of the wonder of His presence.

Love and many blessings,

Patty, Michael, Heidi, Justin, and Galen Christopher Kashtock