Christmas 1986 - Trouble, Tears, Triumph, and Change

December 1986

Dear Family and Friends:

    This has been a year of change for us:  a year of trouble and tears and some measure of triumph.  The triumph is that we have somehow survived it, more or less intact, and with God's grace we will continue to survive.  We thank the many of you who have upheld us with your prayers, for we have felt those prayers holding us up when we would have collapsed from overwork and anxiety.

     In February, Michael left his job at the Food and Drug Administration for a freshly challenging job as the Food Packaging Project Coordinator at the National Food Processors Association (NFPA).  I tried to pick up the pieces of my graduate schooling in the spring but between a new pregnancy, our house going on the market and another medical emergency with Heidi, I found that I was unable to complete the course.  Heidi fell two steps off a front porch and had to be air-lifted out of the neighborhood to Children's Hospital with a "bleed" in her brain.

   Once again, this child of great courage found herself in a wheel chair, confused and disabled.  Once again she has fought her way back.  In mid-November she was readmitted to the hospital for corrective surgery on the "bleed" after her condition suddenly deteriorated.  She appeared to have recovered from the surgery and came home the day before Thanksgiving only to be readmitted on (you guessed it) Thanksgiving day with left sided paralysis.  This setback turned out to be temporary and she is now recovering nicely and is back to a limited amount of school.

     The school itself is a major triumph.  After being out for a year and a half, Heidi is now able to go to a special class where she is physically protected and helped with the learning and physical disabilities incurred as a result of the treatments for her cancer.  Her teacher is a veritable miracle worker and Heidi is so very happy to be in the classroom again.

     Our summer was taken up with getting Heidi into a placement at school (you wouldn't believe the amount of testing and meetings, interviews and sheer volume of time that it took!).  We were very fortunate to have some wonderful people in the school system and Children's Hospital working in Heidi's best interest.  The rest of the summer disappeared into complications with my pregnancy and moving.  Fortunately, now (after a few real scares!) it looks like we will be delivering a new, (hopefully) healthy baby sometime around February 15th.  We've moved into a pleasant house by a small patch of woods that has provided endless visual enjoyment.  We've found that we have a lovely group of neighbors who really pulled for us during Heidi's two weeks at the hospital.       

     All of this has been very hard on Justin, who is having some severe school difficulties as a result.  Oh, he has kept his engaging, (if a bit bizarre) personality, but your prayers for him and for our wisdom in how to help him are greatly needed.

    So where does this leave us?  Oh, not the normal changes and stress - thank God for those! - but the situation with Heidi.  We've seen her lose so much, so very much, and struggle so hard for each small gain, only to be slapped down again.  Medically, her prognosis is poor.  We live with that daily, and yet continue to hope. 

And there is the clincher:  how does one continue to trust God?... the God who has the power to stop ill, yet doesn't.  No longer is this a theological question for us, a doctrine to expound upon one way or another.  For we have been halted screeching-ly before the magnitude of its reality and grapple with it daily.  How can one continue to pray for God's protection when He didn't protect Heidi?

     And the answer that comes to me through this long tunnel of loneliness sounds with bell clarity...        

"Have I not said that in this life you will have tribulation?      

But be of good cheer; for I have overcome the world."

     And somehow He is there.  Though everything else appears burnt to ashes, He is still there.

     And He came, in the form of a babe.  And He was not late.  And He faced His own tribulations in order to overcome the world for us, so that somehow we might survive.  And He continues to stand with us and to lend us His strength and give us His peace.  Truly; He is the Prince of Peace come to abide with us for all eternity.

     And so our prayer for you this year is that He may reign in each of your hearts, bringing the joy that comes from within no matter what the circumstances are, both during this celebration of His birth and in the year to come.

With love and blessings,        

Patty, Michael, Heidi and Justin