Christmas 1989 - Limitations and Wings

Christmas 1989

Dear Family and Friends:

          It is late at night and quite still in the house.  Mike and the kids have long since gone to bed.  The only sounds to be heard are the hum of the refrigerator and the soft whir of the furnace when it cuts on.  Outside, in silence, snow is falling.  Slowly it covers earth and tree.

          And silently this year has come and gone, as silent and deep as Siberian snows.  Sometimes, although one knows that God is always at hand, He can seem so far.

          In this year, we have had to come to terms with Heidi's limitations.  It was time again for Heidi's educational re-evaluation.  We had so hoped that the test scores would have come back up, showing that her mind was undergoing a slow healing.  Instead, we were faced with a further drop.  We have come to know far more intimately the nature and extent of the damage done than we could ever want to.

          Yet still, she is in remission, much to Dr. McCullough's amazement.  This after all is the child who was sent home to die 4 1/2 very long years ago. The child who was given a zero percent chance to live five years by one doctor, has made it.

          Recently in an article by Rabbi Kushner (When Bad Things Happen to Good People) he states, "I don't want to be the Grinch that stole Christmas, but if we want to credit God with these remarkable events (or "miracles") then we also have to blame Him for the tragedies."  This bothered me as terribly inaccurate but I couldn't pinpoint it exactly.  So, I asked Michael for his reaction.

          He leaned back into the corner of the couch.  His eyes looked off thoughtfully into the dark of the night.  I would like to share with you what he then said.

          "Tragedies are a part of the normal fabric of life, our day to day existence.  Miracles are the reminder that what is normal is not permanent.  Tragedies are normal to a world that is not in harmony with God." 

So, is God then the cause of tragedy in the same way that he is the cause of miracles? 

          "No", he said, "I think not.  Although He may use the tragedy once it happens to accomplish His will, I do not believe that He is behind every tragedy in the same way that He is behind every miracle."

     And so, we continue to hope and pray for a miracle.

     Certainly many prayers have helped Justin.  He is actually coping with school this year, largely on his own.  We are very proud of him and deeply thankful to the Lord for His help. 

     Galen Christopher is a mini wild man: much like his big sister used to be!

          As for Heidi: daily we struggle to help her regain that which she has lost.

          And deep down I really believe that someday she will be well.  I believe this with my whole being - it is not something I try to believe or drum up.  It just is.

          I keep seeing in my mind her return to normalcy a surely as I "saw" that she would walk again.  After the radiation when the tumor had enlarged so horribly, she became completely unable to walk, even with assistance.  For seven months she had to be carried everywhere.  Her prognosis was grim at that point.  She seemed to be dying.  Yet, in my mind I "saw" her just one day, out of the blue get up and walk out into the living room completely on her own, without warning.

          Things had not improved at all.  Then, one day, early in January, I looked up.  And there Heidi stood in her pajamas holding onto the wall of the hallway at the end of the living room.  "Hi Mom," she said, smiling.

          Yes, I truly see Heidi as well someday, and either this the most distorted of pipe dreams or assurance from God, Himself.  I choose to act as if it were the latter.

          And so now we celebrate the miracle of Christ's birth of God come to dwell among man.

     Even in the darkness and cold of our own winter, God comes to us anew with His light and life.

                     "Light and life to all He brings

                      Risen with healing in His wings

                      Mild He lays His glory by

                      Born that man no more may die."

          In the meantime, as we await His coming, the snow continues to fall and blanket the earth.  Quietly, she awaits the healing of the summer sun. 

May your lives and ours find the warmth of His healing love in the year to come.

Love, Patty, Michael, Heidi, Justin and Galen Christopher