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  Patricia Hammell Kashtock

Aka: Pat Kashtock. Mother of three, wife of one. BA in Social Work and Biblical Studies. Graduate work at Virginia Tech interrupted, then derailed by oldest child’s brain tumor...

My life has not followed the course I planned. But I am not complaining. Pain is to be expected in a world broken apart from its Creator.

The miracle resides in the ability to find joy when least expected...

 

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Blessings,

Pat

For What It's Worth

Each life is a journey. The voices of many guides try to direct us, saying, “This is the path – walk in it!” Yet each one leads in a different direction.

I believe only one Voice can be true. That Voice will lead us in ways most unexpected, into worlds yet undiscovered. It will lead us up the hill, around the river and through the forest. And sometimes, it will lead without mercy.

Or so it seems.

I have made listening for that Voice and following it, my life’s quest. I will share some of what I have heard that Voice say with you. But I am not in the business of telling people how to think or what to believe. Each has to decide for himself. Only you can decide if you find the truth of the Voice in these words. And only you can decide how much it is worth to know the Voice, and follow.

But for me, it is worth the whole world.

And then some…

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« Manna-shoulds | Main | Sleep My Child and Peace Attend Thee »
Tuesday
Jun242008

This Ancient Heart

DateTuesday, June 24, 2008 at 05:10PM

          I'm sick.  Ill at heart.  Another June, and another legal case where justice has not been served.  Yet another case where we did all we could, heart and soul, and nothing worked.

 

           I feel so hurt.  All I want to do is cry.  I kept wrestling with myself and my feelings from the past (that You didn't value me enough to let my mother live) last night.  I guess You'll have to get me through this again.  I partly know You will, but I feel shaky and lost.  I don't want to close my feelings off in the way I did as a child, yet I don't want to get into free fall anger like I did over (my friend's) case last June.  I feel caught between the two.  The first is how I try to overcome the second.

 

          Why are we called to try and bring justice and truth to bear if it doesn't work? 

And I hear:

 

                   --  Fallen world.  –

 

And I sense You say that this is a taste of how You feel. 

Yet?  How does that jive with Your sovereignty? 

To say it is all in Your hands is not to say it all goes the way You want?

 

                   --  Kingdom come.  Pray "Your will be done"

                             on earth...  –

 

Oh. I guess it isn't.

 

                   --  No.  No amount of "prayer" will "fix" it.  –

 

...in total.   only piece by piece.  It will take a cataclysmic act of Yours to fix it.

 

                   --  Yes.  –

 

but I'm so sick of it!

 

-- I   know.

So am I.. 

 It is repeated again and again the world over,

in far worse cases.  –

 

yet You've told me to put down my weapons, repeatedly.  I don't understand how this fits.

 

--  Weapons of hate.  –

 

oh.  how do I do that?  For hate is what I feel.

 

please help me.  I feel so ugly and stained. 

I had been trying so hard not to feel rebellious towards You over this because reacting the way I did the last time was horrible beyond words. 

 

As I started to question why Tom's case came out like this, I was walking down the frozen food section of Safeway. 

 

Suddenly, a song came on and hit me full in the face.  It was as if You motioned to me to listen.  I froze in my tracks in shock, thinking how could this ever apply to me, especially in the state I was in!

 

(I'm including the lyrics as best as I can remember them.  Somehow, I feel they may also be for you.  if not today, then tomorrow perhaps, or another day)

 

"Good night My angel, now it's time to go to sleep.

 Put your questions away for another day

and know that I love you.

I have told you I would never leave you

and I will always be here right by you side

as close as your heart beat

as near as your next breath.

And My hope is that someday you will come to see

the depth of the river of love that flows towards you

out from this ancient heart of Mine."

 

Author[Pat Kashtock] | Comment2 Comments | Reference1 Reference |
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    Response: useful reference
    at useful reference on November 9, 2013
    Nice Site, Maintain the useful work. Appreciate it!

Reader Comments (2)

I did some "googling" and here's the song!
Blessings,
Bill

-----------------------------------------

Billy Joel

Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)
River Of Dreams Released: 1993

Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be

June 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBill Hammell

Awesome Bill. If anyone could find it, you could!

Funny how I could remember the ideas, but expressed in different words. I had thought the words had a more powerful spin than I could remember. The idea of the person being held inside the Ancient Heart is far more powerful that the idea of love flowing out from it. That was the very part I had struggled to remember. Thanks! =)

June 24, 2008 | Registered Commenter[Pat Kashtock]

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