This Ancient Heart
I'm sick. Ill at heart. Another June, and another legal case where justice has not been served. Yet another case where we did all we could, heart and soul, and nothing worked.
I feel so hurt. All I want to do is cry. I kept wrestling with myself and my feelings from the past (that You didn't value me enough to let my mother live) last night. I guess You'll have to get me through this again. I partly know You will, but I feel shaky and lost. I don't want to close my feelings off in the way I did as a child, yet I don't want to get into free fall anger like I did over (my friend's) case last June. I feel caught between the two. The first is how I try to overcome the second.
Why are we called to try and bring justice and truth to bear if it doesn't work?
And I hear:
-- Fallen world. –
And I sense You say that this is a taste of how You feel.
Yet? How does that jive with Your sovereignty?
To say it is all in Your hands is not to say it all goes the way You want?
-- Kingdom come. Pray "Your will be done"
on earth... –
Oh. I guess it isn't.
-- No. No amount of "prayer" will "fix" it. –
...in total. only piece by piece. It will take a cataclysmic act of Yours to fix it.
-- Yes. –
but I'm so sick of it!
-- I know.
So am I..
It is repeated again and again the world over,
in far worse cases. –
yet You've told me to put down my weapons, repeatedly. I don't understand how this fits.
-- Weapons of hate. –
oh. how do I do that? For hate is what I feel.
please help me. I feel so ugly and stained.
I had been trying so hard not to feel rebellious towards You over this because reacting the way I did the last time was horrible beyond words.
As I started to question why Tom's case came out like this, I was walking down the frozen food section of Safeway.
Suddenly, a song came on and hit me full in the face. It was as if You motioned to me to listen. I froze in my tracks in shock, thinking how could this ever apply to me, especially in the state I was in!
(I'm including the lyrics as best as I can remember them. Somehow, I feel they may also be for you. if not today, then tomorrow perhaps, or another day)
"Good night My angel, now it's time to go to sleep.
Put your questions away for another day
and know that I love you.
I have told you I would never leave you
and I will always be here right by you side
as close as your heart beat
as near as your next breath.
And My hope is that someday you will come to see
the depth of the river of love that flows towards you
out from this ancient heart of Mine."
Reader Comments (2)
I did some "googling" and here's the song!
Blessings,
Bill
-----------------------------------------
Billy Joel
Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)
River Of Dreams Released: 1993
Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away
Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me
Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be
Awesome Bill. If anyone could find it, you could!
Funny how I could remember the ideas, but expressed in different words. I had thought the words had a more powerful spin than I could remember. The idea of the person being held inside the Ancient Heart is far more powerful that the idea of love flowing out from it. That was the very part I had struggled to remember. Thanks! =)