About Me

  Patricia Hammell Kashtock

Aka: Pat Kashtock. Mother of three, wife of one. BA in Social Work and Biblical Studies. Graduate work at Virginia Tech interrupted, then derailed by oldest child’s brain tumor...

My life has not followed the course I planned. But I am not complaining. Pain is to be expected in a world broken apart from its Creator.

The miracle resides in the ability to find joy when least expected...

 

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Blessings,

Pat

For What It's Worth

Each life is a journey. The voices of many guides try to direct us, saying, “This is the path – walk in it!” Yet each one leads in a different direction.

I believe only one Voice can be true. That Voice will lead us in ways most unexpected, into worlds yet undiscovered. It will lead us up the hill, around the river and through the forest. And sometimes, it will lead without mercy.

Or so it seems.

I have made listening for that Voice and following it, my life’s quest. I will share some of what I have heard that Voice say with you. But I am not in the business of telling people how to think or what to believe. Each has to decide for himself. Only you can decide if you find the truth of the Voice in these words. And only you can decide how much it is worth to know the Voice, and follow.

But for me, it is worth the whole world.

And then some…

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Entries in bondage (1)

Wednesday
May182011

That Incorrigible ADHD Person. Yah. You Over There

I am incorrigible. Totally.night time at The Founder's Inn and Spa, for the SongDiscovery worship leading conference

I start with the best intentions. And promptly side track. My verse for the day:

Let me live so I can please You

            And may Your regulations help me

I have wandered away like a lost sheep.

            Come and find me

For I have not forgotten Your commands. (Psalm 119:175-176)

 

I don’t relate to relating to laws and commands, but I love the lost sheep/come and find me plea. That is how I feel.

 

When I finally dragged myself into my prayer chair, I asked for something to help. “Heard” –Psalm 121- but thought, nah. I’m making that up. That’s just a general praise passage and not helpful for my current discouraged mood.

 

So I heard:

–  Okay, then. Psalm 47

 

Well, that was a general praise psalm yet it lifted my mood anyway.

Figured I should look up the other. Psalm 121 turned out to be the, “I lift my eyes to the mountain” psalm which always helps me come into Your presence. Rather than 121, I think You intended me to see the verses from Psalm 119 strung across the top like a banner.

My enemies are not people. They are me.

My flaws and character traits are too strong for me. Please free me? 

I’ve let them imprison me.

 

And I don’t follow Your directions even though I have asked for You to lead me. I want to, but a huge part of me resists. That part wants to do what it wants to do at that moment with no thought surrendered to the day’s larger picture. Forget the week/month/year/lifetime picture.

 

You have gifted me with perspective. Normally I can see the larger picture at a glance. Yet in this area of within time, perspective flees. Please help me face each day afresh with time-frame perspective firmly in place.

 

Ha, ha. The chimes go off, letting me know I am already behind schedule. Yet I have learned a lot.

 

That’s the flip side. You have used the ADHD to get me doing what You want when it did not fit into the schedule I thought You wanted. The switch for me will be getting onto a schedule. I fight it. Well, I fight going to bed.

 

I don’t like going to bed. A million things to do beckon seductively, so I resist getting ready for bed until I am exhausted. “Just this one more thing,” I say.

 

     – Are you sure you want to do that? – You ask

 

Oh, yeah. It won’t take long.

 

     – Are you sure? –

 

Yeah. It’ll be fine.”

 

Hours later I finally fall into bed. Now I am exhausted. I hurt all over. Behind for the day. Distractible. So maybe I will go to bed and sleep eight hours. And wake up feeling great.

 

And promptly stay up way too late again.