God Is My Warden…forget the co-pilot part

I can't believe that after years of being so regular with the morning oh at least an hour quiet time, I let it fall apart.

--- It needed to for a while. It had become a joyless habit and that is not what I want from you. It means nothing to me that way. Besides -- your mind kept going elsewhere too frequently. That's what happens when something becomes a legalism -- the heart goes out of it. I want your heart, yes, even with the Western understanding of that.

And yes, you did need to see that others can and do function without taking all that time. I never left you, did I? ---

To my amazement, You didn't.

--- I won't. Not ever. You cannot make me go away. I'm here to stay.

     Like a little nag at your side. ---

Uh, Lord?

--- [Grin]. You need one, you know. You aren't very good at it. ---

Like a parent?

... Or warden?

--- Both. Of course. --- [More grin]

I'm chuckling. And I'm relieved.

Someone staying on me sounds like hope.

But You can't be a nag in the dictionary sense...

(someone who

1. annoys by continual scolding, faultfinding, complaining, urging, etc.
2. continually troubles, fusses at, etc.

--- Don't be so sure about that. ---

Well, I don't see you as fault finding and complaining.

--- Actually, I am very good at finding the faults and putting my finger on them. ---

Oh -- like Teutonic plates. Putting pressure on them to keep to keep things from getting out of sync.

--- Something like that.

The difference is that I can bring real change, and it is change you desire. This truly is for your sake, unlike human "nagging" which is often for the nagger's sake and fueled by bitterness. ---

I looked up warden. Interesting. I tend to think prison guard, but that is only one meaning. A warden is a keeper -- a person charged with custody of people animals or things. Public servants superintending parks, wildlife, Burroughs, colleges. A gatekeeper.

I need all of those, minus the jailer. I didn't use those words this morning, but essentially I ask you to gate-keep my time today.

E-mails make me crazy. One thing leads to another.

--- You don't have to read them all. Things will go forward without you. I will tell you when to take action. Yes -- "mind the checks." Please.

And speaking of minding checks... ---

Suddenly, I see the keyboard in front of me. Time to practice. But I haven't read yet.

--- So read. ---

So I opened to Matthew 10:42. "And even if you give a cup of cold water to the least of these..."

(I promptly went off on a thinking tangent about Louisiana, and my time there. But that story is for another day. Suffice it to say, I should have minded the check)



And I Will Use Natural Consequences if I Have To!

I want to give up staying up late for Lent.

--- So do it. ---

And for both Mike's and my stake. I need to get supper on the table at 6 to 630. But I get so distracted.

 --- Temptations will come. It is more spiritual than you think, this battle. ---

How do I deal with that? Seriously Lord. I "know" the "right" answers, but don't get anywhere with them.

--- Give Me the first four hours of your day. ---

Like I didn't today...

---  True. But all is not lost. Not yet. It can be though, if you turn on that computer to do anything but write. No e-mail, and no research either during that time until you are well established in the proper habit. And no -- not until blood through the summer. Even vacation. Use a timer...  –

I am relieved to think that the first four hours includes my time with You, which is an hour plus an hour of practice.

             But that feels like cheating.

--- For now, let's do it that way. –

It takes a huge load off me.

--- You need some hope, and you need something doable. Yes -- use a timer. For now. Not always. Yes -- get a second one. That would help. Bigger is better so you don't lose it. I know how frustrating losing things is for you. ---

And frustrating when I start chasing down rabbit trails rather than stick to what needs to be done. For so many years, I watched often desperate circumstances swallow up my goals. There was little I could do to fix that.

But now, it is almost as if not achieving those goals has taken their place as a new goal in some insidious way. I wonder if I sabotage myself. The day may start off weel. My resolve runs high. For about 45 minutes after waking. Then my hand reaches to do whatever work stands in front of me, rather than towards the work goals for that day.

I have never had a regular schedule oh since I was very little, like before mom got sick.

--- No, you haven't. But you are ready to change. I let you get good and sick of doing it the other way. Consequences of your actions are no fun, but they are great teacher/motivators. It's tough. I know that, Little One.

If you go forward in pieces, you will be able to do it. You will find it is a good fit for you and will like the schedule itself as well as the results. This way will not seem so restrictive. We will move towards the other but not yet. ---



Entombed Dreams

I am from childhoods spent lying in sunlit fields watching cloud, and picking the wild strawberries that grow there.

I am from the stream in the woods where sunlight kissed our heads in filtered patches while lizards tried to escape our grasp.

I am from the courtyard where the volcano did not spring up in the middle of the night to destroy us as it did in recurring nightmares, yet where cancer crept in and stole away the stability and warmth that protected us.

I am from the glades of isolation

And the classrooms of loneliness

From the prison in my heart that branded me unfit to live.

I am from the hurricane winds that refused to let me stand, but the strength of the saplings I clung to allowed me to fight my way home.

I am from the tomb.

And yet from that place of death, He has called me forth, back into the sunlight.